I want to compete in a Brutality match before my body quits again

I'm not what most would say a "competitive person".. At least, not anymore. In the past? Sure, I had my moments. Now, though?

I don't give a fuck how I stand in comparison to other people.

All I care about is the act of doing, and meeting - or exceeding - my own expectations. I value self-improvement above all else..

..And right now my body is improving. My mobility is exceptional relative to what it was a year ago. My pain is significantly lower. My joy?

It fucking abounds.

With that, I've been thinking about what I want to do, and one little dream - potentially fever-inspired, but it's still there - is to compete in a Brutality match.

For those of you who don't know, Brutality matches are firearm competitions that are a bit.. Extreme. They feature obstacle challenges, endurance challenges and more. They have themes, too (and you can be damned sure I want to do a cyberpunk-themed match).

What's drawn me to them, however, is the sheer inclusivity of them when compared to other competitions.

Look: I can absolutely pass for your "average" (as defined by MAGA shitbags) whitebread American who drinks Folgers coffee and has absolutely wrong opinions about sociopolitical issues. I can fake it, make it, and come home and shake it afterwards..

..But that shit is exhausting, and isn't who I actually am.

I'm a bisexual disabled leftist who enjoys shooting guns, and Brutality matches?

Those are inclusive as fuck.

Of course, I don't expect to start there. Fuck no! I need to actually get some experience with more traditional competitions first.

I'll probably start with NRL22, just because I have everything I need for that already. Hell, my RPR build was done specifically so I could compete in base class (basically mostly-stock cheaper rifle builds). After that? There's plenty of pistol shooting competitions, and I should definitely get one or two of those in.

There's other barriers, of course; I don't own a rifle that would be a proper choice for Brutality (and I would definitely prefer to shoot SA, which presents additional challenges given where I live).

Then you've got travel, ammo and other expenses before you even get to the fact that, well..

.. I'm still fucking disabled.

Let's be brutally honest, here.

Brutality probably isn't going to be for me, well.. Ever. With my acute osseus abnormalities in my shoulder a lot of the challenges I've seen are just non-starters for me now. With CMT4F, neuropathy, and general stability issues? Yeah, again, probably not a good idea run around with a fucking rifle rifle doing physical challenges that can include having impossible things like good balance and coordination. Hell, just because my RA treatment is making me better, that doesn't mean I'm functioning at the level needed to do an intensely physical, unfair-by-design competition.

I guess the real point is, though, that I aim high, and work my way to it.. And if I don't reach that peak?

I at least will have made a journey through the steps necessary to get there.. And if I do that?

You can be damned sure I'm going to at least go as a spectator at some point, because I want to hang out with my people; My fellow queers. My fellow leftists (and leftist-accepting). Hell, even my fellow spoonies, because I have seen some of them compete (lucky bastards).

Just the fact that I am even able to consider doing any competition shooting now?

That's a fucking accomplishment in my book, and I'm sure as shit counting it as a personal win.

To say it again: I don't give a fuck how I stack up next to you. I care how I stack up to me.

For those of you curious: The photo in the hero is my hand, and my pistol. The gloves are 5.11 Competition Shooting 2.0, and the pistol is my CZ-P09F - read my review.